Preservative vs. Préservatif: American Bread is Chalk Full of Condoms

The French language provides many opportunities to make mistakes – and this was one of them. My foolish moment came during the second course, which looking back in hindsight was a good time to have a slip-up. It gave me enough time to make a nice impression and enough time to redeem myself – and American bread.

It was the first soirée with my in-laws without my husband. They invited me over for dinner, as my other half was on a work trip in Bordeaux. My mother-in-law cooked up a lovely four-course meal. As one naturally does at the dinner table in France, I commented on how good the bread was. It's the equivalent of talking about the weather here. It’s an easy conversation starter, and this prompted discussion about what bread tastes like in the United States.

I bumble along, talking about how French bread is so delicious, explaining with American bread this is not always the case, owing to the fact there are many preservatives in the bread. Unfortunately, I directly translated preservative to préservatif, which is the French word for condom: “Il y a beaucoup de préservatifs dans le pain aux États-Unis,” effectively announcing that Stateside, we put condoms in our bread. Note, the correct term is conservateur, and I will never, ever forget it. 

At mixing up the French terms for condoms and preservatives, my mother-in-law granted me an upside-down smile, while my father-in-law blankly stared at me. I was getting zero benefit of the doubt. I turned a bit red, awkwardly realizing my mistake, and emphasized that we do not put condoms or latex in our bread in America. I mean, honestly, the French will believe anything about American bread, notably with regard to its inferiority to the French baguette. In the end, with that small confusion behind us, we all proceeded to the third course, and enjoyed the rest of our meal, and baguette.

Have any French-language blunders? Sound off in the comments below!

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